Thanksgiving

Should be shared.

Yes, I attempt to live my days with a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving—but sometimes I fall short. I can become self-focused, discontented, wrapped in anxiety, and need to combat this negativity with positive self-talk.

I’ve been thinking recently that thankfulness shouldn’t only exist in my head and heart, but must turn into thanksgiving—literally giving thanks to others. I absolutely say “thank you” multiple times a day, no matter how big or small the action, so that strangers and loved ones alike know how much I appreciate them. But I can do better. Can’t we all?

The second thing on my mind lately about thankfulness is that constant positive self-talk about gratitude doesn’t magically eliminate stresses in life. Problems, however small, still need to be addressed. Having a real grievance doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for the other amazing things in my life.

I am immensely grateful for my husband and two sons, who support my reader, writer, full-time mom life. There is nowhere I’d rather be than here at home. I love the time I have to support my children before and after school. I love that school hours allow me to devote time to volunteering and my writing goals. But daily life is not always rosy.

My husband and I worked hard to be financially stable enough for me to quit my decade-long job and stay at home. We make different life choices now based on the fact that we are a one-income household. I still believe this is the best work/life balance for myself and my family. But some days are immensely stressful as I navigate through the extreme feelings, shifting moods, and various needs of the young humans. Add a moody me to the mix and things can be downright ugly within these walls. Yes, I’m grateful for the chance to model appropriate reactions to poor choices and behaviors—and how to apologize and make amends when I too make mistakes with my words or behavior—but it can be stressful and exhausting in the moment.

Sometimes I wish for more me time. Getting our adorable puppy this fall pushed this to the limit. During those early weeks, I was exhausted by the time the hubs got home—and I hadn’t done hardly any writing, editing, or querying during those weekday hours, which was very depressing. We’d all chat during dinner then—“Your turn, hubby! Bye bye!”—and I’d grab a book and hide in my room where no one could talk to me and no teething puppy could try to eat everything in sight. After a twelve-hour day of caring for two kids, two dogs, our home, and sometimes school volunteering or writing, I was empty by 7pm and needed solitude.

Recently, I reminded my family that weekends are for everyone, including me, which means that in order for everyone to be able to relax, everyone also needed to share the errands, chores, and puppy-raising duties. In order for my kids to become self-sufficient humans, I can’t do every task around the house 24/7. They need the responsibility and practice so I can successfully launch them into the world someday. But it’s hard for me to enforce these things sometimes. It’s hard to feel like I’m being grateful for my generally comfortable situation in life by demanding more from them or more time for myself. But just because I don’t bring home a paycheck, doesn’t mean I don’t contribute value to my family and community. I have to remind myself of this often.

Sometimes in addition to giving thanks to others for this life, I need them to give thanks to me too. I am filled up when they share their unprompted genuine thankfulness. It encourages me to keep doing what I’m doing. Knowing how impactful thankfulness is to me makes me want to do it more for others.

So during this holiday season and into the next year, I plan to focus on voicing my thankfulness more to the people in my sphere of influence.

Happy Holidays!